‘eulogies and checkout girls’

car crash.
he can’t remember what time
he got the call
distraught mother
could barely get the words out
nothing he could say
he didn’t know how to feel
he’d wanted her out of his life
for so long
not like this

a barrage of thoughts
all strangely connected
but not
oh god the funeral
well he’d have to be there of course
probably should go without
a plus one
and the fucking eulogy
he wasn’t going to have to do that
was he?

it sounds selfish
(she always leveled that at him
a wry smile toward the ceiling
he had no idea why
she wasn’t a believer)
but what do you say
when your heart’s not in it

he can just picture it now
reading off some carefully prepared speech
his mind wandering to thinking
about the girl who rang up his groceries
that he’d taken home and banged
after snorting a line off her chest
and wiping another on her cunt
he’d be shitting on her next
and complaining about his life

and she’d take it
cuz he could ply her with more
booze and drugs than the boys
her own age
they didn’t really like her anyway
on account of her being weird
and kinda chubby
what is her age anyway?

car crash.

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